Am I Really Alone?

Lately I’ve never felt more lonely. I have no local friends – and well, being an agoraphobic with severe anxiety, panic disorder, and depression doesn’t help I’m not gonna lie – but I have no hobbies anymore and it feels like no one to talk to either. I’m giving myself one final year before I check myself into inpatient care if I can’t get my shit together. So my lovely followers, if you’re still with me I could really use your love and support. I have no one else it seems right now.. my parents want me to check myself in already so they can stop paying for everything – no one asked for a mentally ill shut in as a daughter. I see my boyfriend whom I live with maybe 2 or 3 hours a day because of his job, and other than that, I’m alone. I’ve lost all my sense of purpose in my life and in honesty, kind of all my will to live anymore. I’m at a loss and I’m not sure what to do anymore. 

I’ve been trying to reconnect with God but so far not so good… I just feel like I’m not doing it right. Like he can’t hear me. I don’t know really. I’m really enjoying reading the new bible that my mom got for me, it’s one where you can colour in these beautiful illustrations and motivational passages so as I read I colour too. I’m also reading Uninvited: Living loved when you feel less than, left out, and lonely by Lysa TerKeurst. And so far I’m really resonating with it and the stories she has regarding her past and her relationship with God. I hope it’s as good as the reviews lead it to be and I hope it helps me in some way. 

So tell me, am I truly alone in this? 

Deja-Vu

I used to always get (and still sometimes do get) deja-vu. Mainly because, as crazy as it sounds, I was so intuitive that my dreams used to literally come true a week or two after having the dream. Frame for frame, it was always so surreal.
I don’t get it so often anymore, my meds really fuck up my dreams, it’s the weirdest thing. And lately its been all nightmares every night instead of pleasant thoughts. I wouldn’t ever wish one of my twisted nightmares to come true.

So tell me? Have you ever experienced deja-vu?

Spontaneous business.

If I were to up and open a business right now, out of everything I would choose to open a bakery. Nothing makes me happier than baking; it really takes my mind off everything and anything going on in my life. I would name it Rainy Day Bakery and we would have a special raindrop cupcake. I would take custom orders and make beautiful cakes similar to cake boss (only smaller, of course). That would be the dream.

If you could spontaneously open any business right this very minute, what would you choose?