Norse Mythology – Neil Gaiman

I recently finished Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman and it was so brilliantly written that I figured it deserved a review. He captures the characters, scenes, and dialogue so well. It was an absolute delight to listen to. We all know audiobooks are my poison, I listen every night as I fall asleep – which can sometimes take hours when I get into a good book. Marvel shies in comparison to Gaiman with their renditions of the gods, I hadn’t truly realized how modernized the stories had become, but reading this I genuinely felt a connection to the book. I feel that listening to the book enhanced its impression on me given that Gaiman’s performance is so top notch. I could fall asleep listening to any of his books I think, as long as he’s the one reading it. All in all I would say it’s definitely worth the read 100%, so if you’re considering which book to pick up next I strongly suggest this one.

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My comfort zone

My safest place

Where my roots grew.

My confinement

My prison

Where I fall apart.

How can these two be one?

Keeping me sane

I’ve been absolutely addicted to my journal for the past month or so. I’d always been terrible at keeping one as I’d just forget about it and throw it on the shelf. But a while back I decided I wanted to try and keep a bullet journal. I’ve always carried around notebooks in my bag so why not make this journal work for me productively? Well, it’s not your typical bullet journal, I’ve kind of adapted it into my own system to track anything I need from the books I want to read next, to my work schedule and appointments, my good days and my bad days, and some pages are purely drawings or collages of things to keep me inspired and feeling good. So far it’s been a total life saver! I’m definitely going to see how long I can keep this habit up.

Starting Fresh

So I’m gonna give a crack at blogging again now that I’m in a bit of a better place. Who knows, it may benefit me. I’ve been isolated at my old family house alone since July and it feels like I’m going crazy. But I’m slowly learning how to “adult” and making a lot of progress toward my wellbeing and health. I’ve been apartment hunting the past couple months with no luck! It’s much harder than it was the first time around, when I wasn’t doing it on my own. I don’t even know how to find a roommate, so it looks like I’m going it alone. I think it will be good for me to take this step. There will be more options for my mental health as well which is a huge bonus. The borderline personality disorder has been off the charts – it doesn’t help that I keep forgetting to take my meds for days at a time. And that I don’t eat for days at a time, and when I do, sometimes I relapse and purge it all. So I mean, am I really doing that well after all? I’m trying to better myself instead of drown my sorrows in a bottle of liquor every night so I feel that’s still a positive step. But this isolation I tell you, it’ll be the death of me. My family moved and forgets that I’m still here, no one really comes to visit ever. And I’m still awful at making and keeping friends so essentially I only see and interact with people on the weekends at work. Welp. Is anyone out there with me here? I just can’t handle the loneliness anymore, I’m reaching out – hello?

Learning to be my own person again.

I’m back again.

After my recent breakup with my boyfriend a month or two ago and getting relocated (against my will) to my old house in the small town I left, I am slowly learning to be me again. Or trying to anyway. It’s much more difficult than I expected..

My birthday was a couple weeks ago. I’m 21 now. And I’m at my rock bottom. How lovely is that?

My mental health leave from school has been twice as long as I’d expected, and things aren’t getting much better in my head or my body for that matter. I eat once every day or two but I’m working my way up to three meals a day. The feelings of guilt are fading slightly but when I look in the mirror I still get a pit in my stomach and feel awful about myself. I’m at my lowest weight ever and I’m actually scarily malnourished, yet I still don’t want to eat. Or I want to eat but won’t. Or I’ll eat a ton and toss it up after… and yes, I do know how unhealthy that is for me and no I do not care. For the first time in my life I’m getting positive feedback about my body and positive attention from others, why would I want to give that up?

If you want honesty. I’m just living up the time I have left and whatever happens happens. I do want to be here and be a part of this world, but not if it’s all this constant pain. I’m exhausted. And no, I’m not going into my shit childhood or my entire medical history, I’m just stating my feelings here.

I’m really trying to find things that bring me joy and make me happy, bring meaning to my life, ya know? No far not so good. I’m working on saving up for a stylus for my new iPad (thanks for the birthday present mom😘) so that I can get back into sketching and graphic design again. I’ve also been reading a ton more, and trying my best to bullet journal every day. I’ve been absolutely ripping through manga and graphic novels, if you have any recommendations I would love to hear them! I’m in desperate need of some new material. That goes for books as well, I’ve been expanding from my usual genres and would love some input!

Tell me, what do you do and how do you find your inspiration? Ive been hitting some major creative blocks lately and would love some tips to get past them !

Mantras

So apparently a mantra can really help change your mindset. Well with the hard times I'm going through I figured may as well try one out now? Maybe it can actually help me through all this shit.
However, I've been stuck all day trying to come up with a good one that fits me and my current situation. Basically, how do you say you will get your shit together girl in a peaceful and encouraging way?
Seriously. Someone help me.

I’m totally a shitty blogger… aren’t I ?

My lovely followers, if you're still with me that is..
What a hell of a time I've been having these past few months. I'll try to cut out the less important things and stick with the major bam's.
My mental health along with my physical health degraded to the worst point yet. I'm fighting to eat and keep my weight up but it seems so much harder than it should be. It's hard because for the first time in my life I'm receiving positive feedback about my body, but I only got that way from being severely ill. It makes it difficult to want to defy everyone's wishes and compliments by eating now..
I am starting treatment at the Canadian Association for Mental Health in Toronto soon. So far I've had two psychiatric evaluations and I have one left before they can set me up with the perfect programs for my specific issues. It was scary, for a while my family wanted to admit me for the 30 day program which I'd have to stay at the hospital residentially for the month. Was not stoked about that idea. Luckily the doctors and social workers didn't see a reason to keep me on a 24/7 basis..yet.
Lastly, my boyfriend of what would be three years this week and I broke up. This ties into my mental health issues.. I was in an episode and blacked out, and broke up with him in the midst of it. I tried to explain but this time I guess it had been an especially bad one and there was no fixing it.
All I can think is what have I done now?