I’m totally a shitty blogger… aren’t I ?

My lovely followers, if you're still with me that is..
What a hell of a time I've been having these past few months. I'll try to cut out the less important things and stick with the major bam's.
My mental health along with my physical health degraded to the worst point yet. I'm fighting to eat and keep my weight up but it seems so much harder than it should be. It's hard because for the first time in my life I'm receiving positive feedback about my body, but I only got that way from being severely ill. It makes it difficult to want to defy everyone's wishes and compliments by eating now..
I am starting treatment at the Canadian Association for Mental Health in Toronto soon. So far I've had two psychiatric evaluations and I have one left before they can set me up with the perfect programs for my specific issues. It was scary, for a while my family wanted to admit me for the 30 day program which I'd have to stay at the hospital residentially for the month. Was not stoked about that idea. Luckily the doctors and social workers didn't see a reason to keep me on a 24/7 basis..yet.
Lastly, my boyfriend of what would be three years this week and I broke up. This ties into my mental health issues.. I was in an episode and blacked out, and broke up with him in the midst of it. I tried to explain but this time I guess it had been an especially bad one and there was no fixing it.
All I can think is what have I done now?


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