This morning I woke up the same as I do many others – heart racing, skin crawling, body shaking, overall feeling of doom and wrongness – all as soon as I open my eyes.
I couldn’t sleep last night, no matter how much I tried. I’d had a couple drinks and that usually helps me to calm down enough to sleep. But last night sucked. Tossing and turning and everything aching and hurting, my mind just would not shut off. By the time I saw the sun come up I was almost in tears because I was so damn frustrated. All I wanted to do was sleep.
Maybe that’s why, maybe things are just messed up right now. I’ve been all over the place lately and don’t know what to do with myself. Taking time off school was supposed to help me reconnect with the things I love and make me happy, but how do I do that? It’s not going well so far. But more importantly. How the hell do I stop waking up with the instant feeling of crippling anxiety and panic? The worst part is it doesn’t subside. It’s there with my in my heart and my stomach all day and night no matter what I do. Here’s hoping some clonazepam will actually do the job this time and I can breathe and feel relief.