A little apology + My career maaay be in jeopardy.. I need a miracle. 

To all my followers, if you’re still hanging on with me, I know I haven’t been so active recently. I’ve been going through a lot and I’ve been losing my mind a bit. 

But here’s for the good news. My medication dosage got increased, I got some sleeping pills (yay! No more laying awake for 5 hours at night!) and I got me some good ol lorazepam. Long story short, I’m happy again! And not super anxious and crazy all the time! Go me! 

I just realized school is in a month. And well, part of my recent stress is that I need knee surgery.. I have a weird and rare injury. The pain has been so unbearable I wasn’t able to get a job this summer of do much of anything really.. I won’t be able to get the surgery before school and even after, it’s only a 50/50 chance it’ll help the pain. And I’m over here like I’m barely 20 and I already need knee surgery and have these issues, and even after the knee surgery there’s only a 50% chance my pain goes away, so a 50% chance I can actually continue on with my career as a nurse ?” To be frank. I’m terrified. Hello? I’m not even a nurse yet and already the universe may be taking that opportunity from me. Why?  I love nursing with everything I have. It’s all I know. It’s all I want. I have a duty and an obligation to help people. It’s my calling. And here it is being jeopardized? What can I do? I cannot hope hard enough, hope never goes as far as you need it. What can I do? I need this knee. I need the pain to be gone. I need to be able to walk and lift again. I need to nurse. 

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