Slowly Going Crazy

I can’t remember the last time I left my house. Maybe last week when we got groceries? I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’ve watched every show, every movie, devoured all of my books and graphic novels. I can’t seem to find my inspiration to paint or draw. I just lay here. Every day. Alone. 

Agoraphobia is making me crazy. I want to get out and do everything and see the world, but this awful issue just keeps its hold on me. I can’t leave alone. I’ve tried. I’m petrified. I never make it very far. I’m at a loss. Unsure of what to do or where to go from here. Someone help me free myself from this prison that is my mind. 

I’m alone for 14 hours a day. Then Curtis comes home, we have dinner, watch a show or two, then head to bed. I wake up alone the next day and repeat. I don’t really have any friends to visit me. The ones I do have are hours away. I can’t take this feeling of isolation anymore. 

Someone tell me what to do. 

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3 thoughts on “Slowly Going Crazy

  1. I find that when I’m too ill to leave the house or anxiety and paranoia keep me locked away for weeks on end, it helps to have people you can talk to via mobile phone or Internet. It certainly helps me to not feel so alone and forgotten in the world. If you talk, there’s always someone willing to listen – I’m always here if you need a friend.

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  2. Unfortunately, I know exactly what you are going through…well, almost. I wouldn’t say I have full- blown agoraphobia, but I have found myself wanting to go out (anywhere) less often. I have depression, anxiety, menopause, issues with extreme fatigue, major brain fog, and just a general lack of interest or desire to do anything that I used to enjoy doing. I also have tremors where certain parts of my body will jump or twitch so I’m on medication for that as well as meds for depression, anxiety, hormone therapy, and high cholesterol. I was also diagnosed with sleep apnea so I don’t sleep well at all which could definitely be a contributing factor to the fatigue. I am 47 and have been wanting to go back to school. I have taken a few college classes, but that’s when I wasn’t having so many issues. I have tried to go back twice in recent months to do online classes and 1. I can’t get motivated to do it and 2. I can’t focus or concentrate on it well enough to feel like I understand what I am reading. I feel as if there is a huge cloud in my brain fogging everything up. I have to re-read sentences, paragraphs, while chapters because I don’t feel like I understood a single thing I read. It is so frustrating because I want to better myself and make a difference in this world, but for the past few years I have just felt like a big ole slug with no real purpose and no energy or clarity to do anything. It has just gotten worse through the years. Now, I can barely drag myself out of bed. I look at college stuff all the time and get so depressed because I want to feel and be normal again. When I was taking classes before, I was getting A’s and it was really helping with my self-confidence because I don’t have much. I’m a reserved person. I stick pretty much with my family. Not many friends. It’s hard to make friends at my age. Esp. when I am not outgoing and I am not a party person. I have an almost 17 year-old daughter that is my best friend in the world. We are like two peas in a pod. I do get to spend time with her. Not enough because her dad and I are divorced and have joint custody so she’s back and forth a lot but we only live about 30 minutes away from each other. We all get along well. Her dad and I are both remarried, although from what I observe, they are much happier and have more fun then we do which really sucks. Hannah gets along well with both step-parents. Anyway, I think I got off course, but just know that you are not alone. I spend most of my time home alone too. I know there are plenty of things I could be doing but I just don’t feel like it. I just want to lay in bed or on the couch and just watch tv or take a nap. I hate it! I want to live my life to the fullest. There are so many places I would love to visit but im I’m terrified to fly for fear of crashing. I hate things hold me back because of fear. I’m definitely not living the life I want. I’m sorry for being so long-winded. I tend to always do that when I write. I’m glad I found someone that I can relate to. It really helps to know you are not alone. I hope to keep in touch and I will try to keep it shorter from now on. Lol

    I hope you have a great weekend!

    Sincerely,

    Pamela Singleton😀

    Liked by 1 person

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