I’ve never had an easy time with weight, eating, self-esteem. I grew up fat. My parents divorced and my step father tried to buy our love with tons of treats and candy every day. It didn’t help we lived right behind a cheap convenience store. By the time I was 12 my mom sent my sister and I to fat camp. We lost 20 pounds in 2 months and she thought our problems were solved. But no one can work out 16 hours a day every day for forever; we all gained the weight back, well some of it. In high school mental illness kicked in and I really had a hard time eating and keeping weight on due to my anxiety disorders… So then I was too thin. I slowly got better, I was in a normal weight range, I still am. I’m the healthy weight for someone my age and my size. So why can’t I bring myself to eat? Before I couldn’t eat due to the severe anxiety, now I don’t want to eat because it gives me anxiety to imagine myself gaining weight again. Fuck. What do I do now? I’ve never had this problem before, it’s new to me to consider that I may be developing, or already have developed, an eating disorder. How do I stop it before it gets too serious? I’m going to be a nurse in a couple years and I can’t have these problems while keeping such a stressful active career. Where do I go from here?