The hunt for the perfect body is nothing new. We have been consumed by this image of perfection for generations; however, it seems there is a lot more emphasis on this perfection in recent times. The stress placed on women especially is shameful and overwhelming. Everywhere I go or whatever I see all these “women” that are supposed to be the picture of beauty, and all I can think is “how the hell am I supposed to look anything like that?” And for forever I’ve been striving to be a weight that is considered underweight for a girl my height yet for some reason I want it so bad. I want so bad to be that unhealthily thin, that picture of beauty. Society has it drilled into our heads that we are less than women if we don’t fall into the ideal standards, I would rather be unhealthily pretty, than proportionate as I am. My entire life everyone has called me fat. Peers, family, even my parents. My father used to say “why ant you try harder to look like a normal little girl? You used to be so small and pretty” by the age of 12 my mother sent me to fat camp. She spent 14 grand to have me work out 20 hours a day and lose 20 pounds, but was so shocked when I (just like every other girl from that camp) gained all the weight back. She couldn’t understand how it wasn’t possible or plausible to work out 20 hours a day in real life. And just like that, I’m back to being the shame of the family. So now that I’m an adult, and completely proportionate and the proper weight and bmi, I still can’t accept myself as beautiful. I’m still not thin enough not beautiful enough. These standards kill me. I want to not care. I know it’s insane and unhealthy and not realistic. But I’m a human being modelled by society, from the time I was a child this is what I was programmed to believe. All I can think is, I will not let my children grow up believing the things that I did. I will not let my children feel like they aren’t beautiful or good enough. We need to change this way of thinking now.